Robin Williams Suicide, Robin Williams suicide note

It’s difficult to comprehend how someone so brilliant, so effortlessly funny, could be suffering so profoundly without revealing any outward sign of distress. That sense of disbelief is exactly what keeps resurfacing for me when I think about Malachi. The photos from our last time together show him looking genuinely joyful. Yet we now understand that he had likely been planning this long before he left for San Antonio. Even then, he was thinking of others — packing his belongings so we wouldn’t have to face the task ourselves.

He appeared happy, and I truly believe he was, at least in the ways he could be. He loved us deeply. His intelligence, quick wit, and impeccable comedic timing made him a delight to be around; his presence had a way of lifting everyone’s spirits.

What pains me is knowing he felt obligated to shield us from his suffering, as though he had to protect us rather than allow us to support him. Yet alongside that sorrow, I feel a profound pride in the way he consistently cared for those he loved, in the strength it took for him to bring joy to others despite his own internal struggle. It speaks volumes about who he was.

He was extraordinary. I hope that, somehow, the joy he brought into our lives continues to reach us — that there remains some way for us to feel that unmistakable “Malachi joy” in the future. I hope God grants us that grace in whatever form it can take.